"Lets all go to the Lobby.."

Ever have one of those nights sitting there alone or with your friends in a lobby waiting for your match to start bored out of your mind? Are you completely sick of that prepubic haired over weight ginger kid screaming la la la la la into his headset who's parents don't care cause they are getting a divorce? What about that stoner who wants to let you know how "friggin stoned" he is? Or maybe some dude guy is talking about how he is the greatest at this game ever? We here at RnD Incorporated have spent more hours in lobbies than in actual games.. this has resulted in our ability to humiliate, belittle, Rape, and Demorilize any opponent within the lobby arena. All you really need is a lobby, an original approach to trash talk, and an ignorant ass-hat at the other end.It isn't really about the standard "oh yea well you are the one who is" response... It needs to be more special. Here I have compiled a small lesson manual on how to be the master of your own lobby and you too can win someday.


Jha's how to: Lobby win (+ 1 internetz)



Lesson 1: Know your internetz.

Bad - "I can has cheeseburgers?"
Better - "No its I can has cheezburger and you are an idiot welcome to the internet..."

If you are making an attempt at letting everyone know how "cool" you are in lobby by quoting internet catch phrases then it is very important that it be some what relevant. If you need some assistance you can go to http://knowyourmeme.com/ If you don't study up how are you ever going to be over 9 thousand? (ehhh)

Pros: Most people that play video games are very familiar with terminology stemming from viral videos and web phenoms. You might some how get someone to laugh and possibly make a friend. aww.

Cons: knowing and reciting everything on the internet might result in you getting banned from real life. Use with caution.


Lesson 2: Shit talk. (Not so ironically lesson number 2)

Bad - "Fuck you eat shit"
Better - "Your mouth.. Its my urinal"

The lobby can become a crowded place. In crowded places people can get irritated with one another. This can and often does result in curse words. Cussing is generally not very creative and makes people think you are a dick. The "F" bomb is used constantly in the course of daily life therefor resulting in its power being diminished. If you decide to use curse words, make sure that you be creative with them. Add your swear word to random objects. This will give new meaning to your taunts.

Some examples are: asshat, cockbag, shitgoose, fucktard, douchebox, fagnugget, and cuntsack.

Pros: If you use swear words in a creative way they may possibly provide you with minor win. People will also generally know exactly how you feel. Make up phrases that aren't swearing but have similar effect. i.e. "Shut your face you bagel eating gremlin.."

Cons: The over use of certain words makes you look like an idiot or a child.


Lesson 3: "your mom!"

Bad - "I banged your mom"
Better - "Your mom's vagina is like Detroit, it used to be great about 40 years ago but now its all run down and filled with homeless people.."

Although this may be funny in the right context the "your mom" response should be avoided all together.. you, I, and most everyone else have made this mistake in a ditch effort to make a quick reply to someone. Plain and simple it is played out. Your momma jokes are older than your momma herself. (oh snap) Next to your momma comes your sister (I saw a movie about this once) she too is apparently easy to diss on. Instead of using those two try new ways of discriminating on someones family. Try using Dads, brothers, cousins, and so on.

Pros: There is the rare occasion where this "joke" comes in handy and at the same time is actually funny. If you are going to do it at all please try to make sure that it is epic.

Cons: Everyone and their Mom has used this. Its unoriginal and basically pathetic. Try harder.

Lesson 4: Extra Credit "Finishing moves"

Sometimes in lobby there are certain things that people do that completely kill all of what anyone could retort to. The most elite instance is the "cool story bro". This is pulled out when someone in lobby is talking about how their friends buddies brother won 3,732 matches in a row on Easter. After the lobbyist is finished with their unimportant speech you reply with a "cool story bro" which lets that person know that in fact yourself and no one else really cares. You can also use "cool story bro" IRL but be prepared to be punched in the mouth. Another special move would be to use a foreign language. The internet allows us to connect with people around the world. Not all people are civilized like us so they don't speak english. In the case of arguing with someone who cannot speak your same language, you will not win, ever! (see also Lynxshadow man1.) Last but not least is the word "No you". Perhaps the strongest two letter word in the word. It is also fairly universal around the word. Let me give you an example. villain says, "dude you suck so fucking bad at this game!" Hero replies, "no you"... If said villain continues with another rebuttal all you have to do is repeat the phrase "no you" in a monotone voice. Villain cannot win.


So now that you have some pointers on how to win lobby go out there and be someone! I encourage everyone to try showing some Respect and Dignity in their gaming habits. If I wouldn't have I would have never met the people that have come together as TeamRnd and now where would I be? That's right, still playing some shitty game by myself. Oh and if any of you people out there would like to join us in lobby feel free to send us a request. All of our gamer tags are in our bios.


Happy gaming.. xXJhaXx